I used to have big dreams and motivation while i was still in it . I'm like a cup filled with clear plain water . However , just like little-bug __ polluted me . Hence i was contaminated . Filled with unclear water , my feeling got worst and was too emotional to carry on .
Who can i really share my secret with ? Someone who won't judge me for the things that I've done . The real story .. I decided to write it down .
2009 NP sec 1 camp was where i met him . Things got even closer when he lost his wallet that night and i went down to find him . Soon we started talking and became closer by the day . Feelings grow and soon the confession came in . 30Th April 2009 was one first date . It's the most important event of the day . It's kinda like a sin too cause we are in the midst of exams yet we still got time to date . That's funny . Just like any couple , watched movie then went to the beach . It just seems like we having endless topic to talk about . That moment was , in my eyes , prefect .
Yes yes yes , the honeymoon stage . To many people , that felt we shouldn't be together . Maybe their right . Oh well , as i was saying .. honeymoon . It was the sweetest moments of all . Days where we will made some surprises for another . Doing crazy stuff . Travelled around different places in Singapore . Go school together , go back together . Wait for one another after school . And he would never fails to wait for me . So much so he said i was his motivation , he is mine too . My motivation to be happy so that he will be happy too . Slowly , everyone was envy with the kind of love we have for each other .
Life isn't always fill with a bed of roses . Few months later , perhaps we have different things we need to commit to that drift us apart . OBS was the first test that we encounter . Insecure , fear , alone , sad and angry was thoughts that came hunting at me all day that time . It's like you love a person so much that you doesn't want to lose it . Thank god , he didn't break my heart . He stayed and made me feels that he really loves me . Then come a second one , third one and so on .. I start to open my ears and listen . Listen to all those things that people said to me before i got into relationship about how he is as a person . Stubborn as a cow , i choose not to take in , or even if i did , i fought with the theology behind it . Nobody is perfect so is he , i need to understand his shortcomings and love him for who he is . Which i know he did too to me as i wasn't perfect too .
But the twist came in . Np . Problems in Np arises . From a reliable source , he stopped loving me then as i was always the problem . Suddenly , my world was teared apart . In my heart i was thinking , why ? I'm not perfect too . As compared to all those stuff he did , is this so serious enough to made you stop loving me .
I know i changed , but hello ? Who don't especially going through so much . Soon i realised i can be his happy pill no more . Feeling starts to turn sour . Then came the KOREAN drama . Bang bang , it made things worst and things ended bitterly . And i was left with nothing more to say .
After taking sometime wrapping out my feelings , i found myself at the deepest valley . He left , so did my family follow by my friends and then studies . I'm no longer the star . No longer shinning brightly . Felt tired , really exhausted . Yet i can't help it but to worried about you . Like a hunter , i go around asking people to be there for you . Like a lover , i understand how you feel and how lonely you must be walking this . Like a nobody , i pleaded her to take care of you . Like a mother , i constantly scared you would skip meals . Like a guardian angel , i find all means to make you well to protect you .
There will always be alot of things behind the sence that the other party don't know . Maybe because i know of things you say and done for me hence my feelings was stronger towards you that i couldn't let go . I held on to you too much i guess .
Now , when everything seems unshaken , it's actually where it's gonna blow up again . I not sure if anyone will happen to pass by my blog including you . Friends , when the time is up , decision will be made . Just a piece of advice , If you still don't hold on to the things you really want , at the end you will lose it . For him , there's still time but not long .
In conclusion , you did bring me happiness . You taught me a lot and made me stronger in a way or another . Though there's things lost that i can't get it back but still , i won't blame you cause in the past you never did blame me once .
Thanks for loving me , making me happy , teaching me , giving me , spending time with me , be there for me , pampering me , making me feel safe , surprising me , hugging me , accompanying me , and a lot more .
I don't regret meeting you . I don't hate you . Someday , if possible , if it's fate . Maybe we will get back again like how we use to be , no quarrelled but many loves .
P.S i love you . Happy one year .
so both of us are mad for, nothing
fighting for, nothing
crying for, nothing
but we wont let it go for, nothing
no not for, nothing
there should be, nothing
to a love like what we got, oh baby
i know sometimes its gonna rain,
but baby can we make up now cause i can't sleep through the pain.
girl i don't wanna go to bed, mad at you
and i don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no i don't wanna go to bed, mad at you
and i don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
oh baby, this love ain't gon' be perfect
and just how good its gonna be
we can fuss and we can fight
long as everything's all right between us
before we go to sleep
baby we're gonna be...
